I love the word serendipity. It’s like an entire poem in one word. Just saying it out loud makes you feel…well…serendipitous.

PageRank’s Never Wrong…

So, this week, with the holiday’s approaching, I’m was in a serendipitous mood and started noodling (another favorite word) with my Google toolbar. “Hmm” I said to myself, “I wonder how Google ranks on Google for the words “search engine”. Google’s whole promise is to bring the best to the top, right? So which search engine is Google giving its all powerful vote of confidence to?

Well, no one, as it turns out. Searchenginewatch.com, Jupiter’s portal for search marketing and optimization, grabs the coveted top spot. So, surely, Google must be second. Nope, that would be Lycos. Now, as far as I can remember, Lycos is dying a long and lingering death, but according to Google, they’re number one. Well, actually number two, behind the site that isn’t a search engine.

In fact, Google ranks itself 5th, behind Dogpile, and AltaVista. Can it be? Does Google have a secret inferiority complex? Is the cockiness of every Google employee I’ve ever met just a front for a shuddering mass of vulnerability? I dig further.

Perhaps if I refine my search. Let’s try “smartest search engine”. Ooops, no search engine I recognize makes it to the top ten.

Okay, how about “best search engine”? Again, not too many familiar names in the top ten, although Dogpile does manage to sneak in at number 8.

I’m getting desperate now, and serendipity is hanging by a thread, in mortal danger of giving way to unhealthy obsession. I type in “Larry and Sergei’s search engine”, figuring it’s time to get really specific. The strategy is lost on Google, which again serves up a list of unfamiliar sites, with the exception of Go.com in the number 10 spot. Well, at least the first two letters are right.

One last stab in the dark. “Search engine with recent IPO that’s aiming for world domination”. Nada.

The Search Continues…

Maybe I’m using the wrong engine. I switch to Yahoo. And sure enough, there’s no identity crisis here. Yahoo proudly ranks themselves number one for “search engine” and in a concession to the competition, throws the number two spot to Google. Apparently, Yahoo thinks more of Google than Google thinks of itself.

Okay..let’s take Microsoft’s new algorithm for a spin. Again, MSN thinks a lot of Searchenginewatch and gives them the top spot. And guess who gets number two? Google. Looking down the page, I see Search.com, AltaVista, Dogpile, Lycos, Northern Light (are they still around?), Webcrawler and…no MSN. Didn’t even break the top ten. Well, maybe they haven’t got around to spidering themselves yet.

It’s time to Ask Jeeves. First, I had to scroll down past 12 zillion sponsored ads that pushed the real results off the page. And when I got finally got to the web results, they did a pretty good job of nailing the top engines. Like Yahoo, Jeeves doesn’t mind blowing his own horn. Ask Jeeves is number one, Teoma (owned by Jeeves) is second, AltaVista third, Lycos fourth, All the Web fifth and Google comes in a distant sixth. Webcrawler, Dogpile, Yahoo and Excite round out the top ten. All relevant, and all search engines, although the one-two finish of Ask.com properties smacks of a little judicious human intervention. Seems that Jeeves might know his stuff, even if he is a little egocentric.

Google thinks Lycos is a search engine powerhouse, so how does Lycos feel about itself? Well, Lycos apparently has no idea what a search engine actually is, because the only two search engines to break the top 10 are Overture and AOL. Hotjobs is number one and an e-Bay page for Thomas the Tank Engine is firmly embedded in the number 3 spot. At least the Hotjobs link might come in handy for the engineers currently working on the Lycos search algorithms.

There seems to be a building groundswell for AltaVista. Could this be a dark horse? I went to Yahoo owned AltaVista and found out that once again, the portal Searchenginewatch takes top spot. Is it coincidence that a portal for search engine optimization consistently takes the top spot, beating the engines at their own game? Deliciously ironic, if you ask me.

The irony continues with the fact that Google takes the number two spot on the competitor’s engine, with hometown favorite AltaVista in number 4, Yahoo in number 5 and Dogpile in number 6.

Survey Says…

And so, in a serendipitous, non scientific poll, using GordRank, a sophisticated algorithm of my own invention, here are the top search engines, as ranked by the search engines themselves

1. Google (ranked higher by almost all the competitors than Google ranked themselves)
2. AltaVista
3. Yahoo
4. Dogpile (yes, Dogpile)
5. Lycos
6. Teoma
7. All the Web
8. Webcrawler
9. Hotbot
10. Metacrawler

There are a couple of points that have to be said. Perhaps Larry and Sergei could hire a search optimization firm to help them rank better on Google. I know they have the money and it seems to be a challenge for them.

And despite Bill Gate’s bravado and bank account, no one seems to know that Microsoft has a search engine. Not even MSN!

Til next year, Happy Holidays!